The Truth Inside
by leeann-schmidt
Summary: James Diamond needs help. He can't keep up his happy boy act for much longer. He's breaking down and only Logan Mitchell can save him.  Jagan story. Angst, some fluff. Dark/depressing/language
1. Intro

Help me. Somebody, please help me. I'm not who I pretend to be. This is not the real me. I'm turning into someone I'm not. I can't do this much longer. I'm going to break. I'm begging for someone, anyone to help me. Please. Before it's too late. Save me.

_James Diamond. On the outside, he's just fine. He's happy, bubbly, perfect. On the inside? He's depressed, suicidal. He needs someone to save him and Logan Mitchell just might be that someone._

****Author's note:**

**New story! Yay! I already have the first chapter written. I'll post it if you guys seem to be interested in this :)**

**Um… This is my first Jagan story, so bare with me.**

**Hope you enjoy!**

**-Xoxo L**


	2. Chapter 1

James Diamond.

Beloved member of boy band, Big Time Rush. He's bubbly, happy, always has a smile on his face. He makes people laugh. He's the life of the party. He makes everybody think his life is perfect.

But that's not the real James Diamond.

I'm the real James Diamond.

My life is not perfect. My life is pretty crappy.

My dad left when I was 7. My mom told me it was a business trip, but he never came home. I gave up on hope.

My mom turned into an alcoholic. That's when things got bad. She would be drunk when I came home from school. She would give me a list of chores to do and beat me when I didn't get them done fast enough. She pushed me off the porch once.

She told everyone I fell.

She still beats me today. I have to come up with excuses when the makeup crew asks where the bruises came from.

I still remember the first day on set. Logan noticed the scar on my neck. "I fell off my swing set about 9 or 10 years ago," I had told him.

I wanted to tell him the truth so badly.

But I couldn't.

I couldn't tell anybody.

There was something about Logan. He gets so upset if I look sad. Maybe that's why I put on the fake smile so much.

I wanted Logan to be happy. I loved seeing his smile. Sometimes when I'm around him, my smile isn't fake. Sometimes...

Sometimes I think I love him.

No.

I know I love him.

I have to pretend to be happy.

Nobody can know that I'm hurting.

Nobody can know about the pain.

Nobody can know about the scars.

Nobody.

_***Logan's P.O.V***_

There's something about James. We've been working together for a year now. Every day, he comes in with a new bruise and a new excuse. He tells the makeup crew that he fell off his bike, or down the stairs.

I can tell he's lying.

He's jumpy. He zones out and gets this painful look on his face. When he snaps back to reality, he puts a smile on like nothing happened.

At the end of the day, he never wants to go home. He's always trying to help, to stay as late as possible. He looks so disappointed when he finally has to leave.

There's something going on with James. There's something wrong.

There has to be a way to get him to open up to me. I need to figure out what's wrong.

Maybe I can help him.

****Author's Note:**

**Sorry this chapter is so short! This is just a filler chapter to get background information about James. The next chapters will be longer. I promise!**

**-Xoxo L**


	3. Chapter 2

***James's P.O.V***

"That's it for today, guys. See you all tomorrow."

I sighed with disappointment. I sat on the bright orange couch of the living room set.

It was only 4. I wasn't ready to go home. My mom wasn't expecting me home until 9. I might get in trouble if I came home too early…

"James?" I snapped back to reality and looked up. Logan was in front of me. "You OK?"

I wiped my palms on my knees. "Yeah, yeah," I said, "just don't wanna go home yet."

"Why not?" he asked as he sat beside me. "Most people can't wait to get off set."

I shrugged. "I like it here. My house is a little-" I paused trying to find the right word "-crazy."

Logan was confused. "But isn't it just you and your mom?"

I nodded. "Still. Crazy."

He didn't press on.

"So," he said, "what are you doing tonight?"

"My mom isn't expecting me home till 9, so I'm not sure."

"Wanna hang out until then?"

I looked up at him. I hadn't stayed at a friend's house in almost six years. I slowly nodded.

"But my mom can't find out," I said quickly.

"Why no-?"

"She just can't." I stood up.

Logan stood up, too. "Let's go get something to eat and head over to my place."

Logan went to the drive through at Burger King.

"What do you want to eat?"

"I don't know," I said. "I haven't eaten here in years." Honestly, I can't even remember the last time I had a full meal.

"Really?" Logan asked. "That's so weird. I eat here all the time."

"My mom doesn't really like fast food," I lied. She only allows herself to eat it. "She's very picky."

I could tell by the look on Logan's face that he knew something was up. I could tell he wanted to ask me a lot of questions.

"What happened there?" Logan pointed to a long scar on my arm. It ran from my wrist to my elbow.

My mind raced to find an excuse.

"James," Logan said softly, "you didn't do that to yourself, did you?"

"What? N-no," I stuttered. "Of course not."

"James, you can tell me the truth," he said.

"No I can't," I responded. I instantly regretted it. "I can't tell anybody."

"Why not?"

I ignored him and glanced at the clock. It was 8:50. "Crap! I have to get home!" I jumped up and ran out the door. Logan followed.

"James, calm down," Logan said as he turned onto my street.

"You don't understand," I said desperately. "I have to be in my house by nine o'clock."

"Will you really be in that much trouble if you're two minutes late?" he asked.

I nodded. I started at the clock and watched it change from 8:59 to 9:00. I didn't wait for Logan's' car to stop completely before I jumped out and ran to my door. I thought I had successfully gotten into the house unnoticed until I heard my mom's voice from down the hall.

"James Diamond!"

***Logan's P.O.V***

"See you tomorrow!" I yelled to James as he jumped out of my car. He didn't respond. He just shut the door and ran up to his house. I sighed and drove off.

Something was seriously wrong with James. He panicked when I asked him about his scar. There were so many on his arm… He had to have done it. There has to be a way to get the truth out of him.

I called Kendall as soon as I got home.

"I mean, haven't you noticed something odd about him?" I asked.

"Well, yeah," Kendall answered. "The kid has a ton of scars and bruises. There's no way he got them all from falling."

"And tonight he was panicking because he wasn't in his house by nine," I said. "He said he'd get in a lot of trouble even if he was only two minutes late.

Kendall was silent for a minute. "You don't think he's being abused, do you?"

I almost dropped my phone. That thought hadn't even crossed my mind. "It would explain the bruises."

"And the scars."

I sighed. "I have to get the truth out of him." I heard Kendall sigh, too. "Anyways, I'll let you go. Thanks for talking to me."

"Anytime, Logan."

I threw my phone on the bed and started pacing. So many thoughts were running through my head.

"Dammit," I muttered. "So much for getting sleep tonight."

"You look like a wreck," the makeup artist complained the next morning. "Start sleeping at night, Logan."

When she walked away, Kendall spoke up. "You look tired, bro."

"I was up all night thinking about James," I yawned.

"That's a little weird," Carlos laughed.

I pushed his shoulder. "Not like that, freak."

I looked up to see James and his mom walk in. I jumped up and walked towards him.

"He missed the bus, so I brought him," his mom explained. "He didn't sleep well last night. He fell down the stairs."

"Hey, James," I said as I reached him.

He looked up and I gasped quietly. His lip was swollen. There was a huge purple and black bruise on his cheek. A small, but sad, smile lit up his face. "Hey, Logan."

His mom turned to walk away, but I stopped her. "Wait, Mrs. Diamond?"

"Yes?"

"I'm Logan," I said. She nodded. "Mrs. Diamond, I was wondering… Is there any way that James can stay the night tonight?" James's jaw dropped. "He can borrow some of my clothes."

James's mom glanced at James. "Would you like to stay at Logan's house, James?" she asked. He nodded shyly. She turned back to me with a fake smile on her face. "Then, of course! James can stay the night with you as long as you have him home by noon." Her eyes hardened.

I glanced over at James. He was shocked. "Y-yes, ma'am. I'll have him home by noon."

"I'll see you tomorrow, then, James."

***James's P.O.V***

I watched my mom walk away. Did that really just happen?

"James," Logan said softly. I looked up at him. "James, what happened?"

"I fell down my stairs," I half whispered.

"No, you didn't," he said coldly.

He grabbed my arm and pulled me towards his dressing room. I could feel Kendall watching us. He shut the door behind him and locked it.

"Logan, wh-"

"Stop lying," he demanded.

"I'm not lying," I said.

"Dammit, James, yes you are," he said. He sighed and softly ran his hand over my cheek. "Is this my fault? Did this happen because I made you late?"

I didn't answer. I couldn't tell him that he was right. I couldn't tell him that my mom punched me because he didn't get me home on time. Tears were threatening to fall. I could feel my wall crumbling.

"James, you can be honest with me." He put his hand on my shoulder and my wall fell. I collapsed into his arms crying.

****Author's note:**

**Sorry it took so long to update! I'm still not so sure where this story is going, but I'm working on it! :) I'll get chapter 3 written as fast as possible!**

**-Xoxo L**


	4. Chapter 3

"That's a wrap for today, guys. See you on Monday. Have a fun weekend."

"Try not to fall this weekend, James," the makeup artist said. "That bruise alone is hard enough to cover!"

"I'll make sure he doesn't get hurt," Logan commented.

I followed Logan to his car and sat in the passenger seat. Nobody talked. Logan led me to his room when we got to his house.

"Why'd you invite me over?" I asked suddenly.

"I'm determined to get the truth out of you," Logan answered. "I know you didn't fall."

"Yes I did." And that is the truth. I fell after my mom hit me."

"James," Logan said sternly, "tell me the truth. Have you ever tried to commit suicide?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," I said. "You're cr-"

"Don't lie to me, James!" he suddenly yelled. He lowered his voice again. "Don't lie to me."

"I'm not lying," I protested.

"The hell you aren't!" he snapped. He took a deep breath. "Look, James. You can tell me the truth. I won't tell anybody."

"I-I can't," I mumbled.

Logan took my hand in his. "Yes, you can. You can trust me." I avoided his eyes. "James, please. I can see the hurt and pain in your eyes and I don't like it. I really care about you, James."

I looked up at him then. "You… You care about me?"

"Well, yeah," he said. "You're one of my best friends. Of course I care about you."

I looked down again.

He cared about me as his best friend. That's it. I'm nothing more to him than a best friend. Tears burned in my eyes and threatened to spill over.

Logan gave my hand a small squeeze. "James."

"My dad left when I was seven," I said quietly. "My mom turned into an alcoholic and took her anger out on me. It's only gotten worse."

I told Logan my story. He stayed quiet. I could tell he was analyzing my every word.

"And here I am today," I finished. Tears were falling down my face. Logan reached up and wiped them off.

"That's horrible," he mumbled. "I'm so sorry."

I shrugged. "It's not your fault."

Logan stared into my eyes. I could almost see the gears turning in his head. Slowly, he leaned closer to me. My breathing stopped when his lips touched mine. He kissed me and I kissed him back. His tongue forced its way into my mouth. He pushed me back onto his bed. His hands tangled in my hair. Suddenly, he pulled away and rolled off of me.

"I'm so sorry!" he blurted. "I shouldn't have done that. I don't know what came over me. I just couldn't hold back any-"

I cut him off with a soft kiss.

"Calm down," I said. "It's OK."

"Wait. Do you-" he took a breath- "Do you like me, too?"

I nodded. "I have for a while, actually," I admitted sheepishly.

Things were silent for a few minutes.

"I'm going to help you through this," he whispered. "We can get you away from her."

_**~*Logan's P.O.V*~**_

James didn't speak much. I tried to think of ways to get his mind off his mom, but I couldn't get my mind off the kiss.

"Is there anything specific you wanna do?" I asked. He shrugged. "You hungry?" He looked up at me and nodded. I grabbed his hand and led him to the kitchen. "What do you want to eat?"

"It doesn't matter," he said quietly.

"James, I want you to be honest with me," I said. "When was the last time you had a full meal?"

"The night you took me to Burger King," he said.

"And before that?"

He looked down. "I don't know."

The sadness in his voice and on his face broke my heart. There was a lump in my throat.

"Help yourself to whatever you want," I told him. "I'll be right back." I gave him a soft kiss on the lips.

When I walked out of the kitchen, I ran into someone.

"Mom!" I said shocked.

"Hello, sweetheart," she said. There was something about the way she said it…

"Did you happen to see any of that?" I asked.

She nodded. "I saw all of it."

"Oh, uh, I just, uh, it's-"

"It's OK, Logan. Whatever makes you happy."

I hugged her. "Thanks, mom."

"I uh, put a pizza in the oven for us," James said when I walked back into the kitchen. "I hope that's OK."

"That's fine," I said. "What do you wanna do after we eat?"

"Um, watch a move?" he suggested.

"A movie it is." I smiled. He grabbed my hand.

"Can I… Can I kiss you?" he asked shyly.

"You don't have to ask," I said.

He smiled and leaned down to press his lips to mine. I wrapped my arms around his neck and smiled into the kiss.

The oven timer made us both jump. I put the pizza on the counter and cut it. We ate in silence.

"What about… Iron Man?" I asked.

"Sure," James said.

I put the movie in and sat on the couch. James sat beside me and put his head on my shoulder.

"Logan," James said softly, "does this mean that you're my boyfriend now?"

"Do you want me to be?" I asked.

"Well… yeah," he said. He was blushing.

"Then yes. I'm your boyfriend."

He smiled.

James fell asleep about halfway through the movie. I carefully got off the couch and made my way to my mom's room. The door was open.

"Mom, can I talk to you?"

"Of course."

"Mom," I said. "How do you help a friend who's… being abused?"

"You tell the cops," she answered. "Who is it, sweetie? Is it James?"

Before I could answer, I heard my name from the living room. "I'll finish this later."

I walked into the living room. James was sitting on the couch. He looked up at me with tear-filled eyes.

"James, what's wrong?" I asked. I sat down beside him and grabbed his hand.

"I-I had a nightm-mare," he sniffed. "And when I woke up and you weren't here, I thought everything that happened was a dream. I thought I was alone again."

I kissed a tear off his cheek and then kissed his lips. I pulled him close.

"I'm here, I'm here," I murmured. "I'll always be here."

"Thank you," he whispered.

We both laid down on the couch, his head on my chest. He was still quietly crying. I rubbed his back, slowly soothing him into sleep.

****Author's note:**

**I'll try to update as soon as possible! It's summer now so hopefully it won't take too long.**

**-Xoxo L**


	5. Chapter 4

_**-*James's P.O.V*-**_

I woke up to the smell of bacon and eggs. I slowly sat up and rubbed my eyes.

"Morning, sleepy head."

I looked up to see Logan walking over to me, his hair still messy. I couldn't help but smile. He sat in my lap and gave me a soft kiss.

"My mom made breakfast if you want some," Logan said.

"Sure," I said. I still had a goofy smile on my face.

He laced his fingers through mine and walked to the kitchen. "Help yourself. I'm gonna go grab my phone."

He gave me another small kiss and left the room. I looked around. Logan's house was pretty small, but very cozy. The atmosphere was very relaxed, something I was not used to. I glanced at the microwave and noticed that it was only 8:45.

I jumped when Logan wrapped his arms around my waist.

"You haven't started eating yet?"

I shook my head.

"Why not?" he murmured in my ear.

"I guess I'm not used to eating breakfast," I admitted quietly. "Usually I only eat breakfast when it's provided on set. And that's only when we have early call times."

"James," he whispered. He didn't say anything else. He just hugged me.

I ate slowly. Every so often, I would look up to find Logan smiling at me. I returned the smile and jumped when my phone vibrated in my pocket. I gaped at the text in shock.

"What is it?" Logan asked. I showed him the text.

"_Changed my mind. Want you home by 10. Do not be late."_

Logan sighed and looked at the clock. "I guess I should take you home now."

I hesitated getting out of the car when Logan pulled up to my house. Logan took my phone from me and pulled me in for a kiss. He snapped a picture. When he handed me my phone, the picture was my background.

"Now you have a reminder that I'm always here for you," he said softly. "Text me if anything goes wrong, OK?"

I nodded and kissed him again. "Bye, Logan."

"Bye, James."

_**-*Logan's P.O.V*-**_

I sighed as James's front door closed. I opened my new text and smiled when the picture of us kissing popped up. I set it as my background and drove to Kendall's.

"I got the truth out of him," I said as soon as Kendall opened his front door.

"Really?" he asked. He stepped aside to let me in and I walked straight to his room.

"We have to get him away from his mom," I said. I ran my hand through my hair. "She's abusing him. I can't stand it. It's tearing him apart."

"And exactly how do you plan on doing that?" he asked.

I groaned. "I don't know, but I have to do it somehow."

My phone went off with a twitter notification, but I ignored it. Kendall, on the other hand, grabbed it.

"What… Is this?" Kendall asked, shocked. He turned my phone towards me. The image of me and James kissing shined brightly in the dimly lit bedroom.

"Uh, I, um- well, you see-" He cut me off.

"Is this you… and James? Kissing?"

I nodded shyly and snatched my phone from his hand.

"Dude, I didn't know you were into guys," he snickered.

I threw my hands up in exasperation. "Neither did I!" I exclaimed. "He was telling me the truth about everything and I just kissed him! It felt so right. I feel like… Like we're meant to be together."

"Dude, don't get all mushy on me," he said. "I'm cool with this if you are."

I smiled. My phone went off."

"Hello?"

"L-Logan?" James sniffed. "I know you said to text, but I felt like I should c-call."

"James, what's wrong?" I asked, suddenly frantic. "Why are you crying? What happened?"

"Can you just- can you come get me?" His voice was filled with pain.

"Of course, of course." I got up and grabbed my keys. "Where are you?"

"The park down the road from my house."

"I'm on my way."

"Thank you, Logan."

I ran out the door and Kendall followed. I spotted James as soon as I pulled up to the park. I threw the keys at Kendall and ran to James. I immediately pulled him into my arms.

"Shhh, calm down," I said quietly. "It's OK, I'm here. You're OK."

He finally looked up at me and I gasped. There was a bigger bruise on top of his previous one and a large cut.

"My mom got a new ring," he said with a humorless chuckle.

"Why did she hit you?" I asked.

He shrugged. "I don't know. Sometimes she doesn't have a reason. She just does it."

"Let's get you back to Kendall's and get that cleaned up."

"Kendall's?" James looked scared.

"James, it's fine." I laced my fingers through his and kissed him. "Let's go."

Kendall was sitting in the driver's seat. James and I climbed in the back. He laid his head on my shoulder.

The drive was silent.

I led James to Kendall's bathroom and grabbed a wash cloth. I told Kendall to get the first aid kit. He nodded and walked away. I started to gently wash the cut. James winced.

"I'm sorry," I murmured soothingly. "I just don't want this to get infected."

"It's fine," James said softly.

Nobody said much as I cleaned his cut. I glanced down at his arms and noticed him trying to pull his sleeves down. I dropped the band aid that was in my hand.

"James," I whispered. He looked up at me with sad eyes. I pushed his sleeves up to see his arms covered in cuts. "James, no."

"I'm sorry," he said, his voice almost inaudible. "After my mom hit me, she pushed me outside and said she'd text me tomorrow when she wanted me to be home. She told me to find somewhere to go. I grabbed the knife I kept under the porch and it just happened."

I kissed both of his wrists, then his lips. "James, this can't happen anymore."

"I know," he mouthed. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. I'm sorry."

I pulled him into my arms. "Shhh, baby, you don't have anything to be sorry about. You did nothing wrong."

"I've done everything wrong."

I sat in his lap and forced him to look at me. "Stop that."

"Stop what?"

"Stop treating yourself like shit. Stop blaming yourself for things that aren't your fault. You're so much more amazing than you give yourself credit for. I wish you could see yourself the way I see you." Tears started to fall down my face. "I just want to make things better. I just want you to be happy."

"I am happy when I'm with you," James said with a small smile. "When I'm with you, everything is better. Everything is good."

"I just wish it was like that for you all the time."

I kissed him and laid my head on his chest, thinking of different ways to help him.


End file.
